Saturday, December 6, 2008

Dolls and Doll-Like Objects

Mom and I went shopping a few days ago trying, among other things, to find a nice, soft baby doll to give to a little girl.

You know, those have gotten impossible to find. The "dolls" all talk, pee, blink, coo, wave their arms, and generally seek to spook the unwary shopper as soon as she enters the aisle.

Of course all this hardware also renders them sharp, full of angles, and distinctly un-cuddly. Have the toymakers all forgotten that a doll's first function is to be loved?

If they don't have hardware lumps, then the dolls have little tags instructing the parent to fill the doll's body with warm water to make it warm and flexible and realistic--at which point the skeptical reader wonders what happens when the water cools and the doll gets cold, clammy, and corpselike.

And as for the other denizens that share the aisle with these things, the aforementioned doll-like entities, perhaps the less said the better. The doll pictured above, you notice, is positively gruesome in her construction. Frankenstein has to hide in shame when she walks into the room.

And there were others, including a pair of plastic monstrosities that I didn't dare photograph for fear they would break the lens or break some law by terrifying blog readers.

What happened to the plain, fabric or soft plastic baby doll who was cute, cuddly, and just begging to be hugged, rocked, and cuddled?

I can't answer the question here because, much as it pains me to admit this, we did not continue the quest. Instead, we did our other shopping and went home. Eventually, avoiding the question all together, we took refuge in another aisle and the knowledge that one of my small cousins likes High School Musical. The dolls based on that aren't perfect, but at least they don't pee.

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